While Diamond’s latest announcement shook the comics world and got everyone (us included) debating the pros and cons of each comic book distributor, nobody is talking about the most important part of comic distribution: how comfy the boxes are for cats to sit in. In order to help bring this extremely important topic to the limelight (and also to have an excuse to show pictures of my cats) I have asked the resident experts (expurrts) what they think about the boxes that Diamond (and others) use.
Introducing the Judges
On the left we have Stellar’s Jay, aka Crime Cat, parkour expert and seeker of snacks.
Next to him is his sister Magpie, aka Cozy Cat, sitter in boxes and fuzzy tube of cuddles.
Okay let’s go roast some comic distributors!
Diamond Distribution
First of all, let’s talk about their distinctive boxes.
Magpie: What are these weird flaps? I can’t get into the box with these weird things in the way! F tier!
Stellar’s Jay: Ooo these are fun. Enrichment before and after I get in the box! B tier for box!
What about their packing materials?
Magpie: Crinkly and, most importantly, DELICIOUS! I love them! nom nom nom A tier!
Stellar’s Jay: Did you say FOOD??? nom nom nom um this is not food that was a lie. 🙁 F tier!
Penguin Random House
As the distributor for Marvel and Dark Horse, PRH emerged as the company who Diamond owes the most money to. But cats don’t care about contact law, so let’s talk about their boxes!
Magpie: Too small. D tier.
Stellar’s Jay: Agreed. D tier.
Okay so I guess if it doesn’t fits, it gets a bad grade. But what about the extra crinkly eco-friendly packing material?
Magpie: OH MY GODS THIS IS THE BEST THING to sit next to. ??? tier.
(Seriously she loves them but like, not interacting with them, just… sitting next to them.)
Stellar’s Jay: I am so confused but this. ??? tier.
Well, um, I guess let’s move on to Lunar…
Lunar Distribution
Magpie: Oh my gosh these are the best boxes. So roomy and so easy to get in and out of (once mother cuts all the weird flaps off). S tier!!!
Stellar’s Jay: Yeah they’re great for stashing all my toys in! And I can jump in them without flipping them when I have the zoomies and run across the entire apartment. S tier!!!
Epilogue
Thank you to my adorable babies for this detailed review—
Stellar’s Jay: Hey what about Lunar’s packing materials?
Magpie: Yeah! How tasty are they?
I don’t bring them home because they’re plastic and if I leave you alone with plastic wrappers you’ll eat them and get tummyaches and scream when I wipe poop off your—
Stellar’s Jay: FORBIDDEN FOOD??? SSS TIER!!!
Magpie: GIVE ME TO THE FORBIDDEN SSS TIER NOM NOMS!!!
Stellar’s Jay: CRIME FOOD GIMME GIMME GIMME—
Magpie: I MUST EAT THE PROHI—
Well look at the time! I guess that’s it for today’s reviews. Thanks to our revie—
Magpie: YOU CANNOT SILENCE US
Stellar’s Jay: *the most pathetically adorable mewing possible*
Magpie: ABOLISH KITTY JAIL!!!
What if I put a blankie in it and give you a treat?
Magpie: Kitty Jail is cozy and an S tier box!
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